There is truly no way to truly explain the amount of pain, anguish, torture and sadness you feel going through a miscarriage. It’s like a little piece of your soul is riped away and you know you will never truly be whole again. I remember those moments all too well. I will never forget the tears I cried and how overwhelmed and useless I felt.
But this post isn’t about me. It’s about you.
I know you feel horrible and overwhelmed with sadness and anger. And that is 100% okay. You want to curl up in a ball and cry until you disappear or maybe you’re a thrower and you just want to throw a good ‘ol fashion, movie worthy, room destroying temper tantrum. Totally understandable. Maybe you want to yell out the car window at the lady who’s children are not buckled up and tell her you hate her and she doesn’t know what a blessing those babies are and for the love of all that good and holy, just put their damn seat belts on! Perfectly normal.
Whether you have been trying for months or years or your pregnancy was a surprise. Whether you knew this was coming, just found out at a doctor’s appointment or woke up to this terrible thing happening to you. No matter what your circumstances, know this: you did NOT do anything to cause this. You do deserve a baby and to be happy and odds are it will happen for you one day.
Today, it’s okay to grieve. Tomorrow too. It’s okay to grieve as long as your heart and body need to. It’s okay to cry and scream and hate every woman who has ever had a baby (including me), I know I did. It’s okay to want to cuss your pregnant friend that you love and are happy for, because it doesn’t feel fair.
You’re right, it’s not fair. It’s never fair to lose a baby, whether you are 8 weeks pregnant, 23 weeks pregnant or you baby is 25 years old. It…isn’t…fair. You deserve happiness and love and my darling, it is coming. You have to hold on a little longer, but I swear it will be worth it.
Take a week or 2 and grieve, truly and deeply. Cling to your spouse/partner. Give them permission to cry with you and be vulnerable too. Sometimes they get caught up trying to be the rock they think we need, when what we really want is a cry buddy. Let them know that. Call a BFF or family member you can vent to. Eat you feelings.
Then, when enough time has passed, you will wake up with a heart that is just a little bit lighter. The tears will come farther and farther apart. Eventually you will be able to look at a baby and see hope, instead of pain. Then, after a while, you will try again.
Be gentle to yourself. And you have my permission to verbally slap anyone that says any of the phrases below!
-God has a plan.
-It just wasn’t the right time.
-It’ll happen when it happens.
-I know what it’s like. Like when I (insert some scenarios that is nothing like this)
-Just stop thinking about it.
-Don’t dwell on it.
-You’ll just have to keep trying.